Diary of Tarantula Lau – March 24

6 02 2018

I have started talking to my plants every morning.

Perhaps I am craving Spring, or needing a safety valve to let off a surplus of pent up empathy.

When I am on the street, the movement of branches against the sky or a blossoming magnolia will stop me in my tracks.

I am supposed to be scanning the crowds, keeping my line of sight level with the faces of strangers, but I find myself looking up or down instead.



Every morning i talk to them in a small coaxing voice. Grow. Grow. Grow.

They are the only other things living in my room besides me.



They don’t leave you with much

6 02 2018

He gave you tears cried late at night

another Saturday wasted & drunk

he said —

something about a girl in a yellow dress —

a song that his father loved.

He made you listen to it twice, each time he cried

tears that felt significant

like glimpsing something through a crack in the door.

“I’m starting to love her like you loved me”

Words texted to you, months later,

as if it were an unexpected blessing

the coda to your heartbreak, a miracle

your ashes your burning down

providing nourishment to his spring, bursting through the topsoil

Glory! Hallelujah!



Poor you

Boo hoo

Always the worshiper, never the worshiped

Always the shadow, cast upon the ground, by some sunnier, better lover


What about the love you squandered?

He bought you a necklace – a piece of glass the color of mouthwash

Back when the apartment spent most of his cash, he bought it for you with

as much as he could afford and more

Back when the two of you slept on your mother’s borrowed bed

awash in afternoon light and fumbling at sex. When

you felt something like worship and seen

but you were ugly in small fearful ways

You put the cat in a box and left shit in the garage


Did you think you’d forget?

That you could dress yourself up in sensible slacks, estranged from regret

That you could step out on the snow and not think about the roiling worms below

That you could take the next step as the first?


And why not?

Why not lie to yourself and say —

I am good,

and I deserve to give and receive love in equal measure

I will not put myself above or below my lover

and I will learn to use the postal service, put away money,

and speak regularly to my mother

I am finally whole and healed

and all of that was in the past

why not?


25 12 2017



Hernia Surgery

for Sun Pengyi

I don’t mind
the doctor
your dick
I mind that
when he touched it
he wasn’t wearing
rubber gloves

As you are

5 09 2017

I like you as you are
See the light bouncing off you
like sunlight on the lake
and celebrate

You are not wrong
or bad
or sinful
You are you
who makes me want to sing

I want your forest on me and around me
I want to go into your realm
and knock politely on doors
and walk away if they don’t open
and feel unperturbed

I want to show you the depths of gentleness
how soft softness can be

I want to be gentle
and unassuming
in hope
that you might put the star back
on your brow
and step out

(12.26.2007) & (12.30.2007)

5 09 2017


Short Poem

Your cock
is short and wet



I’m on the bed
You’re on the bed


28 08 2017



Youth is slim –
A gust of wind blows it away
Upon return,
A bloated coffin follows


21 08 2017



A Few Words

I am a dead poet
the solar eclipse
in one eye
in the other
I would trade all fucking
for a few words
I would exchange all glory
for the pale