Sorry no people who are reading this, for the lack of updates, but wordpress is excruciatingly slow in China. Facebook, youtube, blogspot…are blocked, which means I can’t access Tom and Lorenzo and get my Project Runway related bitchery, nor can I indulge in my secret maudlin passion – Reading Postsecret.com and crying into my Monday morning chicken soup.
The facebook blockage is kind of nice because I’m on my island, and I’m not sucked into peoples’ daily drama ramas, or who the fuck cares-dramas, but I’m afraid if I do return to the states, I will be like rip van winkle, or that sad dude in that one japanese myth about the turtle. No one will remember me and my rude wife will have died.
And you-tube, well, it’s self explanatory. I’ve avoided watching a kids’ production of scar face, and a show by some trashy bitch named Beth Ditto. I would have watched both those things out of a pure slutty need for base distractions, and that’s basically how I kept being an accountant for two years; desperate in Phoenix.
Here, it’s better, after I play my obligatory 10 games of 3D pinball and finish reading dlisted.com with its usual putterings-on about cooing nipples and Anderson Cooper’s winking bumhole, I can force myself to write something.
Oh yeah. I was reading about the iPad today. excuse me for jumping on the bandwagon. Anyways. I don’t like it. I could accept it when it was just a phone. Phones are a marginal part of our lives, but I cannot accept this weird integrated computer appliance robot thing that simulates the reading experience.
‘Scuse me, but why does the reading experience need to be simulated? It’s a book. It weighs 4 ounces. It smells nice and has your hand germs and other peoples’ hand germs on it – such is the tapestry of the moments we’ve spent idle.
No matter how hard I try to DNA all over an ipad, it will not bend and morph in testament to my loving hand, unless i put it under a very hot heat-lamp or something, and those scary geniuses at Apple probably made it all heat and laser proof too.
Isn’t this an example of what Wikipedia has been telling me about simulacra and simulation, aka what the Matrix trilogy was about except they got it wrong according to Baudrillard. Replacing a book with a symbol of a book, except a book kind of simulates reality as well, so it’s a symbol of a symbol of reality, except the reading experience is real, and i’m confused. Also, reading about Baudrillard on wikipedia is also a simulation of reality. OMFG the distinction between reality and simulation is broken down!
I’m being dramatic, but I feel like the advent of this device is one of those turning points in my life, which i will be able to point at an say “before it came, I felt young, after it arrived, I started to feel old.” Which is ridiculous to say at 24, yet, yet, yet…
I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled
here’s the first paragraph of a short story I’m working on. Who knows, you could be reading it on your wretched, wretched iPad:
Cherry Darymple didn’t give a shit. She trudged along as the sun beat down, insufferably hot. Humidity bloated and rippled around her. She felt the flab on her belly swell past the waistband of her jeans, felt it crawl free, a separate entity. Any other day she would be ashamed, but she no longer gave a shit. Never mind the efforts she’d made this morning forcing her thighs into three pairs of control-top panty hose. Never mind that her current exertions rendered her shower useless. Cherry Darymple wiped the dew drops of sweat off her great white forehead. She was on a mission – going to kick the neighborhood bitch.
I’m going to go work on it now.
oh who’m I kidding. I’m going to go play more fuckin’ pinball and then watch southpark on Chinese you-tube.
UPDATE – 3 years later, I totally got an ipad. LOLZ