Things I’ve learned this week

21 04 2010

Today, I learned a new word – Saudade. It basically means a vague longing for some pristine moment that has passed, or a longing for something undefinable that might not even exist. An itch you can’t scratch, an itch that makes you real sad.

So being the melancholic bastard that I am (the word bastard is gender neutral, right?), I’ve immediately taken to it.

Gaze veiled
by her long black hair,
if you took a hand
and parted it
you’d find
longing;
terrible and silent
rippling across oceans and seas.
Thus her eyes are
eyes you dare not meet.

And when you sleep
can your mind muster
the dreams she dreams?

of placid skies,
far-off seagulls’ cries,
and finding the answer,
finally,
to quiet sighs
exhaled in the night.

It’s a bit cliche, I think, in some parts, but i think the key to being a poet is the same key to enjoying sex. You just have to let go of the self consciousness and realize that some people are going to find you ridiculous.

But ridiculousness comprises the most minute details of our lives. It’s ridiculous that some of us commute to work in a tube deep underground, like we’re the kidney stones of a very large metal snake. It’s ridiculous that we go to clubs and wave our arms and legs around while shooting sexy but noncommittal looks at strangers. It’s ridiculous that people go around wearing 3,000 dollar suits and don’t really think about the fact that those suits are made of the same material as a 300 dollar suit, and both wearers probably fart while wearing them, anyways.

So I guess what I’m trying to tell myself more often is that everyone is ridiculous, I might as well look foolish doing the thing I love most – farting in designer suits.

Also. I realized again that I am intensely afraid of my parents dying. Not mainly because I feel sad that they might not be around to see sunsets and their grandkids, but because that would be one more veil torn down between me and the horrible aloneness. Who would I fall back on?

That’s really selfish.


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